Adaption

 改变太快令到身边的人不知道如何面对，

我承认，我错了，

不应该为了逃避某人而避开大家

我真的那么难懂，难理解？

真的把脾气写在脸上/发在别人身上？

也真的对大家失去耐心？

执著也是我？

曾经对他们来说，很包容大家的我，已消失。

原来我对于大家已陌生，

我熟悉的大伙们认为我不再熟悉，

心里还真的痛了，

痛是因为知道大家对我的看法，

*也不懂是否他们知道我很重视他们，

重视的程度远远超过他们想的*

被误解了 ，百般不是滋味。

尝试去解释/弥补，

但不知从何处,

所谓平衡点，又是谈何容易？

有时候，希望大失望大，

所以才让自己把时间排得满满的，

真的不是不预留给你们，只是被人先约了，

跟随的心，原来你们在你们眼里看来是改变 。

结论：晓得忠言逆耳，但从你口中的知的看法，还真的让我很低潮。

诉不到的苦，只好在这儿诉，

我怀念那些日子，但已回不去。

我该怎么办？此刻的我想遗忘任何事情-开心/不开心的统统遗忘。

Welcome to UMP- Cameron

My 1st Canadian frenz- Cameron Brodrick

Nice to meet you =)

Lesson learned

TC sun rises brought the warmth memories,(where the lessons began)
and
UMP sunset was calm and peaceful just now(where refreshing the lessons learned)

with 2 different situations, philosophy quoted from Master Lee: =)

• Do not hesitate on the things that u wanna do

• Take care of yourself first before you can take care on people's

• Do not find the problem until the problem find you

p/s: finally said Thank you to him officially~ I owe 2 peoples hug~ *although they might dun need it =)
Just wanna say i love you guys~

Avengers was Fun!!! Looking forward to u jump I jump next week~

wonder where is the canadian goes?

Suki Yap Surprise me!!!

 

chill

For the busy schedule, i also dunno what i busy for~

Long sigh here~

when busy i feel tired, when too free i feel bored,

What a conflict here~

Should plan for the Canadian~*running out of ideas*

I wan vacation!!! I wanna rest!!!
too bad vacation is canceled!!!! =(

p/s: Love is complicated, Friendship is complicated, Guys are complicated~ my thinking is too simple =(

粗心大意

果然没看到那纸条，

我拭目以待那纸条几时被发现，

也有可能不会发现呢！哈哈

unreachable

很多时候，

那是到不了的世界。

 

Appreciate

Appreciate the conversation just now~

although makes me worry for the half of the day~ *scare he angry/emo

but still i fell warm after chat with him~

Thanks for comfort me~

p/s: I miss him so much~ 

p/p/s: I realize i scare of anything/people that related to XXX

Busy life again

Back to busy life again,

and i shall be thankful, there are something for me to busy with~

So that got no time to think on others matter~ 

p/s: annoying!

Reality

现实往往是残酷的。

身边发生的事真的让我很疲惫，无奈。

矛盾的自己，让我觉得很讨厌。

明明上秒钟才说了一堆道理，说不可用钱衡量人的心，

但，现在的我认同了钱的重要性，

身边的事物已被钱蒙蔽了，

蒙蔽了那心灵，心变质了。

我无能，我改变不了这世界，

而且还要跟上那步伐，

努力赚钱，有了实力与势力 才能让人听从你的意见。

必须掩饰自己，

对发生的事物保持沉默，

才不会带麻烦给自己，

是生存之道。

自私？

这是保护自己。

现实是如此，

一定是自己孤单走那条自己的路，

自己必须独立完成，

因为不出卖自己的只有自己。

也因为自己最懂自己。

这几天，反复想起他说的：

迟早学习独立，为何不现在开始独立呢？

那时的我劝他，偶尔依靠身边的朋友/家人才不会这么辛苦。

现在的我很赞同他了。

他真的比我们来得成熟，

也许经历的事很多，所以懂得掩饰自己。

我现在真的彻底被影响，

我想改变，

想更独立，更成熟，

再也不想太容易表露自己。

p/s: 担心的很多，我很希望做到他常挂在嘴边的：不要想太多，因为事情还没到，杞人忧天罢了。遗憾的是，我真的放不下很多东西，所以想的很多。

担心学业/课业，

担心Aiesec接待那加拿大的朋友，

担心钱不够，

担心分配不了时间，

担心考试，

担心有的没的~

更担心婆婆的坚强，

那落寞的眼神~好担心~

Hospital

Hospital is the place that many lives can be saved ...

This always the opinion that i hold since i was small...

However, I was so pissed off just now,
i don't know there is a difference on how the management treating the patients that need their help...

What I mean?

The differences may refer to 3 categories....

1) Patient that shifted from Private Hospital/Specialist to General Hospital

2) Patient that originally from General Hospital want to shift to Specialist/Private Hospital

3) Patient that always refer to General Hospital

I just got to know that this incident happened on my grandpa. I understand there will be a different on services provided in specialist and general hospital. My grandpa consider is the 1st category. And you know, he is in ICU for 2 weeks in the specialist. When he shifted to General hospital, there were some questions for my mum and aunties before letting my grandpa to check in."Why instead of specialist you wanna shifted here?" "Why all of you choose Ipoh Specialist instead of Taiping Specialist/General hospital?"  and you know, they using that kind of tone, and you might get pissed off of it.

Asking of so many WHY and mainly the questions is kinda blaming on Why you're not believe their abilities, and shouldn't be you guys shall focus on the patient's conditions and determine the way to help him/her? Talk Less Do more work, this is I learned since I was small.. Since a kids understand that, why don;t the management understand that? Despite of this, shouldn't everyone bear in mind that treating every patients the same status because they are the one who need the help.... Treating the 3 categories patients as I mentioned above, will bring any advantages to the hospital itself? FXXK

Conclusion, they put the1st priority to the 3rd category coz the one who always support them. Treating the other 2 categories badly is the fact that happened right infront of me~ 

PISSED OFF!!! DISAPPOINTMENT!!!!

End

Everything came to the end~

He went to the peaceful world~

which there is no pain,no suffer, and he will live happily over there...

=) RIP Grandpa...

Always in my memories~

The meaning on the other side

Everything should be in a systematic way,

what if the paper that u recorded lost or gone?

you know what should I mean,

she is a very careless aunty,

I feel the money should be record down DATE by DATE not in a small piece of paper

It doesn't mean that I checked back the account because I don't believe you.

This is to double check and in case u miss out something or what.

and do remember, I am NOT a KIDS.

p/s: Argument comes when there is conflicts.

R.I.P

Last word from him to me:

1)study hard

2)get good result

3)faster graduate 

4)always listen to daddy and mummy

I love you

p/s: my heart is too clam to accept the fact...

That's the reason... I see~~

Now only I know the reason~ 

Cares on ppl's feeling~

Not bad ~ =)

Finally a release

After struggles for the few days, it finally came to a conclusion, =)

where everything will be return to the simplest form in my way,

because I'm the director and main character of my life,

and from now on, I wanna be as simple as that...

Totally let go of it because already got no hope on it~

If no hopes, there's no hurts~

Is totally HARMLESS now~

because the direction is being chosen...

New born Celine?

No, I am always the Simplest 1~

Cheers~ =)

Life still continue~

p/s: 

Face red like Tomato! Oh GOD!

Luckily they understand me, thanks for all the comforts when I was down =)

Battleship rating 5 stars!

p/p/s:

I still feel my 6th sense is correct~ Hide? perhaps U did~ 
I can lend you my ears if you need =) ANYTIME,my friend~

灰

心的灰色地带已经彻底变黑色了~

是时候割掉/切除~

无奈的事很多，

失望的事也很多~

但，我还是会是那个的我~

今天庆幸的事:

她终于有些进展，算好的开始吧~加油~

意外的事：
以为被发现了~结果不是~

Peak

I am good tempered but doesn't mean u can scold me like that!

already told you the way and u are not believe it, then is FINE for me~

AND I DID NOT SHOW U ANY KIND OF FACE!!!

SHIT U!!!!

U think u are the one who have tempered and I got no tempered??

DO NOT CHALLENGE ME/CROSS MY BORDER LINE!!!!

p/s: nice weather with bad mood! Hate it!

Ump again

Finally finish cleaning the room =)

Tired of sitting the bus for 3 hours ++

but is glad that talked non-stop with Ah how for 3 hours ++ too

*although i took a short nap

p/s: To show off my shoes =)

Outing

Is a bloody day~

where My purse bleed a lot~

Well, of coz I'm happy to spend money on buying stuff~ =)

Things hunted: a pair of Puma running shoes and also a dress from Kitchen~

Gosh, seriously i have to tide my stomach and purse for this month 

*and seriously I have to save for cherating trip too 

Lunch, taken korean food~ 

 Peach tea and rabokggi~

Busying searching this little cute stuff on behalf of Jiahan dailou as well~ =)

Most happy thing is able to meet the little puppy,

and thanks for cracking his head/brain thinking where to bring us for dinner although me and Wil din take dinner*sorry, my dear~

and happy for another sharing moment~

p/s: Sometime, is ur aura that attract people, so, is not ur problem...

and Hurts need times to cure although you deny the fact...

I treat you as fren that i appreciate *maybe you dun mind, but i do feel i need to tell you this =)

seem like i accept the fact that he might leave us soon...

 

Stable

God listened what I pray~

He is getting stable =)

able to talk to my mum this evening~

Thanks to everyone who pray for him~

Miracle happens~

Thanks to the friends who comforts me when i am down and lost~

For him, I pray~

In fact, April Fool is just over,

and I just back from my hometown,

back from ICU to visit my grandpa.

All I wish is He won't be that suffer...

I visited him in High Dependency Unit(HDU) on friday and he still able to talk

I asked him to wait for me to graduate, and he promised...

Who knows the next day, he entered ICU,

*I only able to visited him on sun evening, which according to my mum, his condition is much more stable compared to condition on saturday.

Looking at his condition, I tried my best not to let my tears drop infront of anyone there,

but, I just can't withstand when he looked at me, in the way of suffer, 

opened his mouth with the help of ventilator to breath in the air...

My tears started to drop....

I quickly rubbed the tears and tidy up my emotions outside of ICU with my brother,

get in again, tried my best to smile and encourage him...

He can’t talk, only eye contact with us~

He feel tired and take a rest finally,

I hold his cold hand for a while, 

stunned at his face,

was flashing back all in this while, he was ok,

still rmb during CNY, he still had steamboat dinner with us,

But now, I looked at the dialysis machine beside his bed, sensor for the medical instruments,

I wonder why all these happen all together,

I can't help him, can't helped him to relieve some pain,

I even doubt that,

are we doing the right decision to send him to the hospital to extent his life or

I should just let go? *it was a stupid idea , i know...

I just pray hard miracle will happen,

I don't mind takes time to slowly apply the treatment/cares on him…

I just wish he can be healthy….

p/s: I know the day will reach, but I am not ready yet….

still dun understand why he choose the way that can't return~

Special thanks to Edwin here…